Writing Sample Three

Note: This is the first chapter of a finished and published book, it does not make complete sense on it's own and contains many obvious loose ends. I would include the whole book if it was possible. Please take this into consideration. The full story "Half Drowned" is a fantasy novel written by me for fun. It was been professionally edited and is on it's way be published at the moment.

Chapter 1

     Water. Water turning and changing around his hands as he desperately tried to claw his way up as he sank deeper and deeper. There was no end in either direction, no sky above or sand below. Just water, choking, suffocating, killing water. His lungs cried out for breath as his mouth opened. No sound came out, just a rush of white bubbles that went floating up as he continued to float down. His mouth filled with water as it searched desperately for air but all it got was harsh, gritty salt water. He sank further and further until nothing remained to be seen, just pure, wet blackness engulfing him entirely. Then just when it seemed that darkness was all there was left there came a faint tap. At first he thought it must be his imagination, no sound lived here in the darkness. But here it came again, an insistent little tapping in the back of his brain; a part that he felt should have shut off long ago. It grew louder and louder until suddenly he felt himself waking up.

     He looked around, same cramped room, same dusty shelves, same ornate chest in the corner. Realizing his hand was still at his throat he lowered it, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. That was the third time he had had that dream this week. It was a few minutes before he remembered the sound that had woken him. The tapping still perplexed him, that had never happened in the dream before. Then he heard it again, it was coming from the left side of his room he glanced around just in time to see a small rock bouncing off his little round window. He quickly swung his feet out of bed, his feet finding the slippers he kept there. He walked the three steps to the window and unfastened the lock.

Upon opening the window and looking down he saw a small brown-skinned girl with her hands on her hips staring up at him.

“Good gods Toby!” She shouted, “You sleep like a stone!”

“Sorry Thea.” He called down to her, a small smile creeping onto his round face.

“Yeah, are you going to come down?” She called back, shifting herself from foot to foot. Thea could never keep still.

“Yes, hold on I be there in a second.”

She nodded and he closed the window.

     Toby hurried over to his dresser and took off his sleeping clothes. He folded them sloppily before picking up and pulling on his usual brown tunic and breaches and running down the stairs. His big feet clomped down the old stairs and he knew that Martha would be angry with him if she were home. Thankfully the only one in was his adopted brother; Stellen who sat by the cold hearth picking at the strings of his instrument. He looked up and gave Toby and lazy nod before going back his music. Stellen always seemed to be in his own little word, separate from the one everyone else lived in. Toby suspected it might be partly due to his twisted leg that made walking and working difficult. Thankfully his family had enough money to allow for him to not work. Most cripples on Clearpool, the larger of the two Half Drowned islands, were forced to work and often died from the strain.

     Toby gave a quick wave to Stellen before trotting out the front door. He stepped into the almost empty cobbled street and turned to see his friend, Thea, coming towards him. She looked very much like all the other girls on the Half Drowned with her dark skin, grey-green eyes, matted brown hair, and slim build. Toby on the other hand stuck out like a giraffe in a field of zebras with his dirty blond hair, blue eyes and peachy skin that burned so easily in the sun. It should also be noted that he towered at least a foot over most boys his age and was made much larger and chubbier than any of the islanders. This earned him many strange and hateful looks in his youth though most had grown accustomed to him now.

“Ah look who has finally shown his red face” Thea said as she reached him. “The boat is most likely already in the harbor by this time.”

“I'm sorry Thea”, Toby huffed, rubbing his nose. “I had that dream again.”

Her brow furrowed, “I'm sorry to hear that.”

Toby could tell from her eyes that she truly was. She was the only one on the island that knew his secret. Knew he was more than likely the only person his age on either island that could not swim. It was her after all that pulled him from the water's icy clutches.

“Come on.” Thea's rough tug on his arm pulled Toby back to the present and also pulled him forward as his little friend started down the street. He followed, matching her pace.

     They continued down the road making idle speculations about the huge boat and what it would be bringing from the mainland. Thea's father was one of the richest men on Clearpool and even had enough money to move to Birdwing, the larger of the two islands, but her father, Jeston, was thankfully too suborn and connected to his roots to ever move. His riches all came from his huge boat the sea-eagle. She was a beautiful three masted vessel that Jeston used to transport goods from the mainland. Odd and delicious fruits and other types of food were always Toby's favorite but the other islanders always marveled over the exotic gems, animal pelts, and fabrics that were impossible to find or raise on the Half Drowned Islands.

     At one point they passed a group of workers cutting and piling wood into a cart. At the front of the cart a disinterested looking horse stood with one foot cocked back. His coat looked like it used to be white but years of less than diligent care and kicking up dirt had turned most it a dusty brown color.

One of the men stood straight, wiping his brow, and stared at the children, “You going to the docks?” he asked in a voice as bored as the horse's would have been could it have spoken.

Thea and Toby both nodded and the man gave a long nod before continuing to load wood into the cart.

     The majority of the citizens of Clearpool were too poor to benefit from the shipments and these happy times served as nothing but a sour reminder or their misfortunes. Toby felt bad for the men who worked every day of their lives just to get enough feed themselves or their family and never get to truly enjoy anything. Thea on the other hand seemed to show no empathy towards them, she has always come from money after all and took it for granted. Toby too had never wanted for much but he did know what it was like to feel less than others.

     As the pair continued along their way the road slowly began narrowing and more people could be seen hurrying around the streets. The road itself became nicer, the stones set closer together as they walked making it less likely to trip or twist your ankle.

     More statues started popping up as well most of them of one or more of the five gods. The most common being the water god, Nalfeki, and his brother, Galella, the wind god, they were the gods that protected sailors and guided them safely through the sea. As the port came into site they could see a looming statue of Nalfeki in the middle of his stone fountain. He was always the scariest god to Toby. It wasn't because of his gigantic fanned out fins, shark teeth, or puffer fish spines, no. It was the fact that Nalfeki was lord over all water from wells, to streams, to the large fresh water pool that gave Clearpool its name, even to the great oceans. And Nalfeki wasn't always good to those who ventured into his realm, even if sailors paid homage to him and prayed to him he was still known to grow bored or mad and place a rock in front their ship to sink it or call in a mighty gale with the help of Galella. Toby was sure that Nalefeki wanted him dead, he had tried to do it once and no god was likely to forget a mortal who escaped his wrath. Toby couldn't stop a shudder from going down his back as they passed under the huge head with its great fins in the place of ears and pointed shark's teeth. He much preferred the laughing earth god, Ralsus, with his elephant ears, giraffe horns, and lolling dog's tongue.

     Thea rushed ahead of him toward the dock and Toby switched to a jog to try and keep up with her. By the time he reached her she was already at her father's boat gawking over the boxes and boxes of exotically labeled goods. They wandered around for a while looking at the treasures from across the sea.

     Toby was examining a strange type of nut that was shaped like a small banana when he heard Thea calling him excitedly. He reluctantly left the food and walked over to where she was standing staring at a large crate.

Some sailors stood around her, Toby recognized most of them. There was tall and quiet Roth, small Vaugan who was missing his left eye, jovial Phelin, and tough Abra; the only woman on the crew.

“Come look at this”, Thea said, her voice filled with awe.

     Toby cautiously approached Thea and the box keeping his head down as he passed the sailors. Even though most of them were friendly their gruff way of speaking and love of drink always intimated him.

      He stood next to Thea and peered through a slat in the boards of the large crate. It was dark and it took his eyes a minute to make out the form inside. It was clearly a large animal, that much he could tell, but what kind he couldn't be sure. It was sitting facing them, head low. He could see that the creature’s front paws looked to be that of a large cat, a tiger maybe but without the stripes. The strange part was the fact that around the neck the creature's thick fur seemed to melt into feathers and as he peered in closer he saw that the creature's head was shaped like a bird's with no ears and a huge beak for a mouth. Suddenly as he stared the creature opened its eyes. They shone bright gold in the darkness of the crate. It lifted its head, opened its mouth, and let forth a sound that was like nothing Toby had ever heard. It was somewhat like the squawk of a bird but with a mix of a cat's growl and a horse's shrill whinny. Toby had to step back a few steps from the ferocity and power of the sound.

Phelin chuckled, “Looks as if you woke the beast, eh Toby?” he said giving the boy a pat on the back.

“W-what is it?” Toby stammered out, eyes still fixed on the giant crate.

“It's a monster from the Dewy Mountains.” Abra said, stepping forward. Her boots clicked against the stones and as she spoke the scar that ran from her forehead to her chin bent and twisted in such a way that Toby couldn't help but stare at it. “They say it is very rare.” She continued, stepping up to them. “They say it's one of the last there is but I personally think that these beasts must still fly 'round those damned peeks all the time.”

flying thought Toby the creature can fly
“Why do ya think that?” Vaugan asked, frowning and crossing his arms.

“If they were so rare then why would they be selling it to us?” Abra replied, matching the other sailor's frown.

“Well it was hardly a steal.” Roth put in from the corner where he was leaning on a crate.

“Why is it here?” Thea piped up, still peering into the crate.

“It's for his majesty's personal menagerie.” Phelin answered.

“The k-king?” Toby asked, incredulously.

“Do you know of majesty 'round here?” Phelin said, his voice light with humor.

Toby's face flushed a deeper shade of red and he slumped his head a little lower in embarrassment. Thankfully his shame was quickly forgotten as Jeston approached the group.

Thea ran up to her father, smiling brightly. Jeston put an arm around his daughter and gave a nod to his crew. They all stood up a little straighter and gave respectful nods.

Toby did his best to just blend in, a trick he was never good at. He was surprised when Jeston turned his kind weathered face toward him and gave a warm smile. Toby couldn't help but smile back shyly.

“Tobiah, good to see you looking well.” Jeston said still giving that welcoming smile.

Toby nodded, unsure what to say. But Jeston turned away from him to greet his crew, who all gave wary smiles back.

“I trust the voyage was successful.” he said to them.

“Aye sir”, Vaugan confirmed.

“Is this the beast?” Jeston inquired, glancing towards the crate.

“Aye sir”, Vaugan confirmed again.

Jeston walked over the crate, his gate held a swagger that came with years of walking on a deck. Jeston didn't do much sailing now, he had a crew for that and a family to look after on the mainland, but he the sea never left him.

Upon reaching the crate he bent down a little to look through the crack Thea and Toby had been using. He nodded in what seemed to be appreciation.

“The king will surely be pleased.” He said, straightening up.

      He turned to his crew, reaching down to grab a purse from his belt. He poured a sum of gold coins into his hands. The coins quickly changed owners as the crew eagerly reached out for their prize. Vaugan was the first to get his share, Roth the last.

“I expect that you all his be accompanying me to Birdfeather.” Jeston said addressing his crew who all gave nods and words of consent.

“And you my daughter,” Jeston said turning to Thea who was still beside him, “do you wish to join us?”
Thea didn't even take a moment to think about it, “Yes, oh yes!” She said eagerly clutching his arm.
“Good”, her father said, then he, surprisingly, turned to Toby, “and you, Tobiah, do you wish to accompany us to the capital?”

Essay Number 1

Alison Silver
Mr. Hertz
English 2
5 February 2014

Animal Farm Literary Analysis

        Have you ever thought about cute, fat, pink porkers corrupted by power?  Probably not, most people would not, but George Orwell made it one of the main themes in his novel Animal Farm. In the world famous allegory a group of fed up farm animals overthrow the humans and take control of the farm. They start out as a well managed and equal society but things soon go sour when power comes into play. In this analysis is that theme that power is a corrupting force.
       The novel starts with a farm called the Manor Farm which is located in England. Farmer Jones, a lazy drunk, owns the farm and takes poor care of his animals. Frustrated with the lack of food and hard labor and spurred on by the words of Old Major, a boar, the animals revolt and take the farm for themselves. To begin with all the animals are equal, in fact it is their number one rule. They set up seven other rules, or commandments, as well forbidding the animals from doing human-like things such as sleeping in beds, walking upright, killing another animal, wearing clothing or drinking alcohol. Animals and humans have many small skirmishes in the beginning on the book but eventually the pigs and humans make peace, even becoming quite friendly. Pigs fall in as leaders from the beginning due to their natural intelligence. The other, dumber, animals don’t question this even when the pigs start changing the rules. It gets to the point where all of the initial commandments have been broken by the power hungry pigs.
      Pigs take a natural lead, which makes sense seeing as it was a pig who first prompted the idea of revolution. Old Major the boar was much different than the pigs who ruled by the end. Major spoke and sang of fertile lands where all animals were equal, had enough to eat, got plenty of rest and no humans to order them around. Sadly the old boar died before the revolt ever took place and the pigs that took over after him were easily taken in by the power. Napoleon, a young boar, took over as leader halfway through the novel after some conflict with Snowball, another pig. Napoleon is quiet, gruff, and ruthless to those who oppose him. Early on he breaks the commandment that no animal shall kill any other animal. In a mimic of his human counterpart Joseph Stalin, Napoleon had a great purge where he publicly executed anyone who he considered to be a threat. With his own posse of viscous deadly dogs he was the strongest and most freighenting force on the farm. Soon enough the equal society turned into a dictatorship with Napoleon and the other pigs at it’s head. The other animals couldn’t even call him comrade or simply Napoleon, he had to be addressed as ‘our brave leader comrade Napoleon’ or some other grand title which again broke the rule of animals not addressing another animal as master. No animal was allowed to speak against Napoleon unless they wished for a painful death and he had to be credited for every good thing on the supposedly communal farm. Napoleon and the other pigs sure knew how to take advantage of the power their intelligence gave them.
      In the beginning there is a small debate over who should get to keep the special treats such as apples and milk. The animals can’t decide and the milk “disappears”. It is later found out that the pigs took both. Some of the working animals see this as unfair so the most convincing pig, "Squealer” is sent out to pull the wool over their eyes. “We pigs are brain workers. The whole management and organization of this farm depends on us. Day and night we are watching over your welfare. It is for your sake that we eat those apples and drink that milk” (Orwell 43). Squealer goes on to say that if the pigs did not eat the apples and drink the milk the old oppressor Jones would come back. The animals take this as fact because they have no reason not to and the pigs end up with their treats. It all goes downhill from there, or uphill if you’re a pig. Pigs develop a taste for alcohol and change the commandment that bans drinking it to “no animal shall drink alcohol in excess.” When Napoleon wants to execute traitors the law against murdering comrades gets changed to “no animal shall kill another animal without due cause”. After the pigs move into the farmhouse, which was originally forbidden, and start sleeping on beds they change the commandment to “no animal will sleep on a bed with sheets.” This goes on and on until all the original set rules are painted over and replaced with “All animals are equal but some are more equal than others” (Orwell 123). They changed and corrupted the rules as it suited them because they were no one to stop them.
       To make all this more convoluted the quickly established lower class working animals don’t know about all the rule changing. There are no open announcements from the pigs to the lower animals about any changes they make, of course they don’t. That would cause unrest. Instead they paint additions to the commandments at night when all the other animals are sleeping. Once Squealer fell while changing the words. Dogs blocked the view from any of the other animals and escorted him off with no explanation. Sadly most of the animals were too dull to read the commandments and see them being changed. Even if they had the terror of the dogs and the weariness from working so hard would make it practically impossible to them to fight back. The pigs specially set up the class system to keep themselves in charge. Clover, the kind old plow horse, noticed some difference but could not read them herself and when they were read to her she couldn’t remember if they had always been like that. Even if the animals had noticed it would always be denied to keep the pigs in power. By the end they even changed the simple and often repeated phrase “four legs good, two legs bad” too “four legs good, two legs better!” In the end those power hungry pigs became what all animals on the farm feared and hated, humans. They carried whips, wore clothing, walked upright and worked with humans. By the end the animals could not tell pigs from humans or humans from pigs. They turned the equal society into a dictatorship where they held the ultimate power.
        To conclude Animal Farm by George Orwell shows that even when things begin with equal, noble intentions whenever power is available for the taking it will be exploited as with the pigs. The animals overthrew the humans for the sake of shared power and then ended up with a situation worse than the one they started with. I suppose the old adage "absolute power corrupts absolutely" holds true.

Bibliography 

 Orwell, George. Animal Farm. London: Harcourt Brace & Company, 1946. Print. SparkNotes Editors. “SparkNote on Animal Farm.” SparkNotes.com. SparkNotes LLC. 2007. Web. 14 Jan. 2014.